A few weeks ago, I wrote about the word of the season. And that’s all still very true, but lately, there are three other words I’ve latched onto.

You know when you feel something inside you – a thought, an emotion, a something, but you can’t quite grasp what it is until someone else explains it in their own words? Well, a month ago, I was reading Shauna Niequist’s birthday post (you knew I couldn’t go too long without mentioning her) and there it was –  exactly what I had been feeling, sitting before me in three words:  “I saw a glimpse of how my future could be, at a Lodge in BC, and I’m hanging on to it with both hands, so thankful, and so ready to build a new way of living—freer, softer, braver.”

 

Freer, braver, softer.

I’ve felt it for a long time – I think if we’re all honest, it’s what all women want to be – free, soft and brave.

Freedom to be soft. Soft, but brave. Bravery to be free. Freedom to choos e bravery.  

I want to be freer.
Freer from the world.
Freer in who God calls me to be.
Freer from all expectations but His.

I want to be braver.
Braver in the stories I’ve been given to tell.
Braver with the people I’ve been given to love.
Braver in the city, world and time that were chosen for me.

I want to be softer.
Softer with those I know and love.
Softer with those I don’t yet know or love.
Softer with mysef.

 

And here’s the thing. I’ve been praying these words for a few weeks. I’ve been thinking  about them, whispering them like a chant, bouncing them in my head like a game of hop scotch, letting them sit still and grow inside me. And in that time, I’ve been given all kinds of choices to make. Every day gives new opportunities to be soft or hard with those I come in contact with. Every day, I go out into the world and people, jobs, things ask to help define me – freedom is threatened. Recently, opportunities have shown up in several areas of my life – all slightly terrifying which is often a sign that they are worth pursuing – and bravery is being called up.  

The more time we spend with Jesus, the more we become these things. The more we allow Him to fill us, the more we surrender to Him, the freer, the softer, the braver we become. Not because He automatically makes us those things, but by giving us experiences and opportunities to choose them – and Him. I myself, am not brave. And yet, Him beside me, inside me, in front and in back of me – there it is – I am braver. I think of how He intricately and intimately loves me and I am wooed to softness and want others to know that same love. I think of how His love provides ultimate freedom and I drop all the things that tell me they are the answer.

Freer, softer, braver – that’s who I want to be. That’s who I want to become. What about you?