The epitome of English fare, tea time is a classically demure affair. Just off bustling Regent Street in the Mayfair region of London sits sketch. Former home to Christian Dior’s London atelier, the address remains in good company with Burberry, Hermes, and Chanel down the street. Unremarkably marked save for a greyhound running down its front facade, the tea room/ restaurant/ bar seems to fall in line with countless other innocuous temples of mid-afternoon British tradition . Seems.
But walking into sketch is like falling into an alternate world. Leaving prim and proper, you’ve entered kink and kook. Walls seem to be birthing chairs. Vaulted ceilings loom above and large corridors beckon just ahead with staircases leading up and down. A game of hop scotch is eerily chalked up, waiting for players to arrive. You want to explore, like Belle left alone in the Beast’s mansion at night, but you’re quickly told that tea is served in the room just to the right.
Mismatched couches, arm chairs and tables are grouped around the room. We’re seated at a section just across from the bar behind which a tall, dark Brit boy is busy mixing drinks. Above us, red polka dots dance across the black ceiling while a chandelier of desk lamps lazily spins this way and then that way. Tree stumps have been made into lamps with shades on top and half human/ half animal busts lean out of walls around the room. At the window, thick curtains are left open a smidge; double decker red buses are driving down Conduit Street but the mad hatter, rocky horror tea party we’ve landed in makes the world outside the last thing we want to think about.
And because we feel we’ve fallen down such a unique hole, we make the most of it and splurge on their full blown high tea experience. A few minutes later, out walks a most marvelous display of little pretties and bites. Balanced on tiers of tea cups and plates, an eye-widening meal of sandwiches and sweets accompany two iced teas and a pot of white tea. And as our waitress leans over to point out each and every creation, we try not to give away in our wide smiles how happy we’re all about to be.
I was slightly embarrassed at the amount of food set before each one of us (and did I mention this wasn’t all of it?!), but I shook that feeling off in two seconds flat. Taking my time, I started with the sandwiches working my way from the ham and Dijon baguette to finally the caviar and egg topped doozy. Then, the glorious sweets. It was a party I didn’t want to leave!
Walking through various rooms and hallways to find the downstairs restroom, I passed through a dining room, empty but already set for dinner, that reminded me of the moment in Titanic when the waters finally reach the first class dining room and carefully lift tables, chairs, dinner plates and flatware up and away from one another. (Clearly, the oddity of the place was taking its toll on me.) But then I found my way to the bathroom…a stark white circular room that is half bird’s nest, half space ship and filled with mammoth pearl white eggs/ space pods. Sliding an egg’s door open, you enter your private potty pod and a nature soundtrack chirps above and around you. The entire situation typifies sketch to the max.
And where the space egg water closet was odd, a second bathroom in another part of sketch is dark and disorienting. Mirrors cover every facade with neon color shining through crevices in the wall. Around the corner, a silver, glimmering mannequin watches over the top floor of the restaurant/bar/tea room. I wouldn’t’ have been surprised if she had leapt to life in a Kill Bill fashion to keep me from any further explorations. No matter, I had a feast to finish.
And finish we did. Absolutely satiated, we reluctantly paid and emerged from our wacky wonderland back into greater London. Practically floating from our tea time, I couldn’t seem to wipe the grin off my face as we wandered past the windows of Regent Street shops. Next time I’m in London, it will be hard to stay away, but to be honest I won’t even try. When you’re in London next, splurge on a few hours of mismatched, half-mad food and fun. Barring high tea with HRH Prince Harry himself (okay, or Duchess Catherine or V. Beckham too), there isn’t a place in London I’d rather be.
sketch
9 Conduit Street / London W1S 2XG
Tube stops: Oxford Circus, Bond Street, Piccadilly
tel:+44-20-7659-4500
P.S. For those of you who watch The Real Housewives of New York City (What? Oh no, I don’t either…), sketch is where the ladies joined Heather and her Yummie team for dinner their first night in Londy town.) Holla.
Hands down, Apple’s app store wins by a mile. It’s a huge selection of all sorts of apps vs a rather sad selection of a handful for Zune. Microsoft has plans, especially in the realm of games, but I’m not sure I’d want to bet on the future if this aspect is important to you. The iPod is a much better choice in that case.
This is getting a bit more subjective, but I much prefer the Zune Marketplace. The interface is colorful, has more flair, and some cool features like ‘Mixview’ that let you quickly see related albums, songs, or other users related to what you’re listening to. Clicking on one of those will center on that item, and another set of “neighbors” will come into view, allowing you to navigate around exploring by similar artists, songs, or users. Speaking of users, the Zune “Social” is also great fun, letting you find others with shared tastes and becoming friends with them. You then can listen to a playlist created based on an amalgamation of what all your friends are listening to, which is also enjoyable. Those concerned with privacy will be relieved to know you can prevent the public from seeing your personal listening habits if you so choose.
Zune and iPod: Most people compare the Zune to the Touch, but after seeing how slim and surprisingly small and light it is, I consider it to be a rather unique hybrid that combines qualities of both the Touch and the Nano. It’s very colorful and lovely OLED screen is slightly smaller than the touch screen, but the player itself feels quite a bit smaller and lighter. It weighs about 2/3 as much, and is noticeably smaller in width and height, while being just a hair thicker.
The Zune concentrates on being a Portable Media Player. Not a web browser. Not a game machine. Maybe in the future it’ll do even better in those areas, but for now it’s a fantastic way to organize and listen to your music and videos, and is without peer in that regard. The iPod’s strengths are its web browsing and apps. If those sound more compelling, perhaps it is your best choice.
Between me and my husband we’ve owned more MP3 players over the years than I can count, including Sansas, iRivers, iPods (classic & touch), the Ibiza Rhapsody, etc. But, the last few years I’ve settled down to one line of players. Why? Because I was happy to discover how well-designed and fun to use the underappreciated (and widely mocked) Zunes are.
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Well, that was fun! Thanks for taking me along.